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When I ask my girlfriends about their firstssexually speaking, like me they remember.

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Oh, those tweener years; stolen glances led to brief flirtations, holding hands beget socially awkward relationships. We were inseparable from dawn until dusk.

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At sunset, we would share a lawn chair and talk. After a few days, he scooped my hand in his.

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My skin wanted to leap off of me and fling itself around his body. One morning, after two weeks, he disappeared. I asked his grandmother where he was and vaguely remember a forlorn, almost defeated look in her eyes. While closing the door behind her, she said his parents took him back.

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Whispers surfaced about them physically abusing him. This time they promised it would stop. I knew in that moment, I would never see him again. For a while I was heartbroken. No, that was a shame lavosh wrapped around pimiento olives, cream cheese, pastrami and pancetta, cloaked in a kangaroo pouch and served to a herd of famished, piranha-toothed gnomes, mercilessly scratching the crabs from their loins in a North Korean prison.

You get the idea. When I was ten, my parents took me to a breast surgeon fearing that I had breast cancer. Turns out I was developing. But not for long.

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That experience fucked with my head. I genuinely thought my smaller breasted cousins might be sexier and more doable than my breasty self. If that were the case, would it mean I was doomed to a sexless life, only being felt up?

Questions about my sexual future remained in a vortex of fear and curiosity and self loathing about the boobsie twins. By fifteen I wanted a breast reduction.

At sixteen, a guy I was dating shoved his hand down my pants. Holy shitI thought, maybe I am fuckable!


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